You should've left the light on

[foepas]

Who: Alec and Koujaku
Universe: Carvaka
What: a continuation of a thread from Carvaka
Warning: possible violence, reference to previous violence, suicidal tendencies

Alec doesn't flinch at the words in part because of the fact that there's not quite a bite in them, and that's surprising. He can certainly handle foul language just fine.

"What I am is useless and a burden. And things here aren't exactly enjoyable, so it all seems pretty pointless." Alec's chin lifts, defiant. "But I'd still rather starvation than a different kind of pain." Like what had happened last time with Koujaku.

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[foepas]

Alec reaches for the hilt, and there are an awful lot of possibilities come with the blade. It's not like Alec knows how to use it, not like he feels any safer with it in his grasp.

The sword seems to have a surprising weight to it, but he brings it over to his side anyway.

"How long have you had it?"

[kaba]

“I dunno,” he replies, looking a little concerned that Alec might not even be able to wield that thing properly, but it’s not like he knows how familiar the guy is with weapons like these to begin with.

“I’ve had it for years, ever since…” The thought brings a bitter smile. “Probably since I went back to my hometown.”

[foepas]

Alec knows what swords are, but it's true that he doesn't know what to do with it, has never learned to handle them. It's the main reason Richard had let him watch him practice, because Alec doesn't pay the right amount of attention to the technique to pick up on anything. Still, Alec keeps his hand wrapped around the hilt.

"How many people have you killed with it?"

[kaba]

Another pointed question—it’s a wonder that Alec can’t kill with words alone. But he’s come this far, and he does owe Alec some honesty, if nothing else. It isn’t as if he’s got much to offer, anyway.

So Koujaku steels himself and looks him in the eye: “I don’t know. More than I can count, probably.” More than his own hazy memories of the past would admit, anyway.

[foepas]

Alec gives him back a thoroughly unimpressed look. The truth is that the person Alec's been able to use his words against has usually been himself, and even if he proves himself smarter than whoever resorts to violence, it isn't the best of strategies.

"What's the point of that?" he asks.

[kaba]

“I don’t know!” he growls, more angry with himself than with Alec, though all those upsetting questions he keeps asking aren’t helping, either. Koujaku doesn’t really want to keep a tally of his sins—they weigh on him heavily enough. And now he’s reliving that day to satisfy some guy’s curiosity because of…what? Is this Alec’s own way of taking revenge? It doesn’t make much sense to him.

“If my life made a hell of a lot more sense I wouldn’t be here, trying to make up for something…” Something he couldn’t help? He shakes his head, and sighs. “Look, I don’t want to make this about anyone else we have or haven’t offed. Let’s keep it to just you and me.”

[foepas]

"You and me," Alec repeats back. It sounds idiotic that way. This whole situation is idiotic, Koujaku showing up to do...what? To convince Alec that all of this matters? To make amends?

"I don't think that really matters." Alec sighs, his hand tightening on the hilt of the sword -- all wrong, and it's clear he has no idea how to hold it. It's also clear he doesn't care. "You're welcome to leave, whenever you wish."

[kaba]

“Fine,” he says at last, having found no other excuse to keep him there. “But don’t think this is the last you’ll see of me.”

That sounds like a threat. He wants to slap himself for that.

Instead he sighs and scratches at the back of his head. He’s never been quite as good with words as Alec seems to be.

“We all need someone to look out for us.”

[foepas]

Alec lifts his eyebrows, pointing out the absurdity of the statement and it's accompanying sudden gesture. If it's a threat then Koujaku is terrible at making them. If it's not one, then Koujaku is terrible at making apologies.

"We all need something worth looking after."

It's not agreement.