That look in Alec’s eyes is enough to yank him back into sanity, and Koujaku’s eyes go wide with shock as his grip—with an effort—begins to loosen. A dozen thoughts whirl in his mind—admissions of guilt and non-guilt, apologies and confessions, screams, half-truths, and excuses upon excuses upon excuses. I didn’t mean to hovers on his tongue and dries out just as quickly as it comes, that pathetic apology Alec’s giving him mirroring his own unsaid thoughts…

His grip on Alec—though more relaxed than before—nonetheless stays, as Koujaku pulls him up in an embrace and buries his own face in the other’s shoulder, forcing out a reply between sobs.

“No, it’s…” He finds that he can’t continue after all.