bemyangel: (Annabel no friends)
Annabel McAlistair ([personal profile] bemyangel) wrote in [community profile] birdwithoutasong2014-08-25 07:32 pm
Entry tags:

All that comforts is not true

Who: Annabel McAlistair ([personal profile] bemyangel) and open
Universe: New Albion
What: TBD

For almost a month after Annabel grants Jasper his wish, the sight of her lab makes her sick to her stomach. It's strange, a feeling more unnatural than anything else she's known, and she spends half her time forcing herself to be in it anyway, cleaning as if she can scrub away all her guilt. She spends the rest of it out on the streets and in the park, trying to rediscover the wonder she knows she'd felt, that she knows had been real. She chases the numbers and equations but she draws back before she solves them, scared that they too will betray her.

Still, even if the smile on her face as she walks through the outdoors has to be faked she does the best job that she can with it, forcing cheerfulness she doesn't feel. It's important to be a success and if she hasn't done anything worthy of that moniker yet, well, Jasper isn't her only hope, just the one that she's pinned the last eight years of her life on.

How disappointed her parents would be if she gave up as a failure, Annabel thinks, and it's that more than anything else that has her keeping up the appearance of contentment, even daring to speak words of greeting at total strangers.

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